Is it Time to Hurl

Posted: September 24, 2011 in Uncategorized
Originally posted 1/3/11
I learned a valuable lesson today.  This morning when I was thinking about what to take for lunch, I decided I wanted a high protein, low carb, high potassium lunch.  With this in mind I opened the cabinet and found a can of salmon and a can of black beans.  Since I was running late I didn’t want to take the time to put them in separate containers.  I reasoned that since they were both going to end up in my gut, I would just save my gut some time and mix them together.  Lucy, my lovely wife, was kind enough to open the cans, drain them and find an appropriately sized container for them.  I tossed in a few drops of balsamic vinegar for flavor and we were out the door in record time.
Now I love the flavor of salmon, even canned, and I love black beans and balsamic vinegar, so you can imagine my surprise when the taste of the three items combined made me want to vomit on my shoes.  Luckily I was able to hold it down and because I had packed nothing else to eat I suffered through the entire meal.  I needed the sustenance it provided and I hate to waste food.  I am also attempting to live by the credo “eat to live, don’t live to eat”.  It is amazing what a little self-talk and a large paper clip attached to your nose will allow you to choke down.
Well I ate in record time and was feeling good that the ordeal was over and I had survived it without sending the contents of my gut to the floor.  What I did not understand at the time was that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, just like in high school physics.  Well the reaction for this particular action came in two equally disturbing forms:  1. If you think salmon , black beans and balsamic vinegar are disgusting going in, you will need a much more descriptive adjective for the gastronomic after effects.  2. If you want to remain in the good graces of your fellow office mates, you should never put such a concoction into a microwave oven.  If you ignore this advice, be prepared to face the wrath of those around you.  You can mitigate that wrath somewhat by doing two things:  A. Be prepared with cloth and cleaners to scour the bean innards from the microwave cooking cavity.  And B.  have a can of spray deodorizer nearby, both for the air in the office from cooking and for the later gastronomic by-products.
Respectfully keeping my distance,
And now I am faced with a familiar dilemma.  This is supposed to be a Christian blog, so what spiritual truth can we glean from the above narrative?  Let me think……Okay here’s one:  Mixing religion and politics is like mixing fish and beans.  The outcome is always unpleasant.  Tossing science into the mix is like adding balsamic vinegar to the fish & beans.  It can only worsen the effects.

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